The Stillroom

I’m tense and nervous and I can’t relax. – Talking Heads

That about sums up my appointment yesterday. New doctor was all over the board with treatment options then would ask me if that sounded ok. It was almost like a Seinfeld episode. Let’s say plan B is now in effect.

I just know that I am trying hard to keep my emotions on dying in check. I’m enjoying the sunshine and my patio in all of its summer glory. Herb garden flourishes, tomatoes growing, sunflowers trying, birds singing, ac running, flag waving, solar fountain at the ready for the birds, everything I could need. Bamboo chimes take me back to Cape May Point and all of the summers spent there. The metal chimes near the back forty gently chiming in the breeze make a perfect July afternoon.

Yesterday’s emotional roller coaster is gone. There are changes from the CT scan from a few weeks ago. Let’s just say this isn’t going away nor is it taking over yet. Everyone says I look good but if they could see my brain trying to keep positive, they would think otherwise. I am bald and lost 25 pounds so I guess I do look good for a 68 year old woman. I think I wear the bald pretty well. The secret is awesome earrings.

I’m hoping with continued treatment, I can push this to 18 months which is the max time allowed. If not, I suppose my demise could be around Halloween, which would be kind of ghoul, I mean cool.

Last words-

I read that Steve Jobs last words were “oh wow”

Belzer’s were apparently “so long m-effers”

I don’t know what mine would be. Maybe “Bring on the Dancing Horses”