The Stillroom

this is a close up of fresh pomegranate seeds. So colorful and tasty too!

Today I go to get my port put in. I will update later on what the procedure is like.

In the meantime, I closed out my business account and although bittersweet, that was good. Almost twenty years came to a close with one signature and a paper shredder for my debit card. I’m keeping up with tasks around the house. I find I have a lot of energy in the mornings and then it just kind of fades away in the early afternoon.

Everyday brings me one step closer to something. I still just don’t know what that is. It will not be healing, this I know for sure. I guess it buying me some time.

I’ll write more later after my appointment.

This is my little tree on the front stoop. Had a restless night. Too much on my mind. Starting to feel more abdominal pain. Maybe nerves. Maybe spread. I had a not great day yesterday. I think I’m depressed, scared, anxious and whatever else you want to throw in there. I’m no picnic to be around. I have nothing to really talk about. I’m not looking forward to Christmas. I guess I have to dig really deep to find the positives in this situation. Ok . Got to wake up. Got a proactive doctor that is caring for me now. Hospital folks that care for patients are angels, still able to function as a human, able to drive, paring shop down, great husband, great family and friends, still managing some upkeep around the house, trying to start my new day with a better attitude. That’s it for now. It’s going to start to get more interesting in the coming weeks. Grateful for what I have, now.❤️

Trying harder.

Not feeling great today. Catch up tomorrow ❤️

Check out this video on YouTube:

Medley https://g.co/kgs/5ZwFTv

Marc-Almond New York State of Mind

Here Comes the Rain, Parts 1 & 2 https://g.co/kgs/PCvJSp

I have had this record forever!

Feeling it today.

this is a picture of the zinnias at Ambrose Farms in Cabot.

You know, sometimes people can be so awful and then sometimes they are beyond kind.

Yesterday, I had two experiences with local jag offs that really hurt my feelings. Some old dude in a shiny Cadillac pulled out in front of me while I was driving through Heights Plaza (right after I left Toys for Tots). He just cruised out of the isle like no one was on the main road that goes along the plaza sidewalk. I gave him a friendly toot of the horn so he knew he cut me off and then he pulled to the curb and gave me the finger. I know that shouldn’t affect me but it just did.

Then, I had to go to dreaded Walmart to pick up a script. I got it and went to my car. I had to still make another stop and instead of going to the end of the isle to turn right, I thought I’d do a cut through since there were no cars parked at the far end. I was going really slow and was easing into a parking space to get in the lane going back towards the store, when I saw a guy coming down that isle so I stopped (still in my proper direction and still in a parking space) when he pulled into a space in his lane but to the left of me. He’s staring at me and his mouth was going like a duck’s ass (my mom used that term) looking at me like what in the hell am I doing? He got out of his car and I just said “I’m parked in my space, what’s your issue here?” He said, you a foot over the line. It had a absolutely no effect whatsoever as to where he was. Far be it from me to be a “pig parker” I just said, “well, let me readjust my car for you”. He just walked away shaking his head. What on earth is wrong with people. I was fuming. What gave this person the right to pick on me?

Now, for the better angels. I went to get most of my hair cut off and Danielle, from Danielle’s Salon said let’s not cut it all off, let’s do a fade. I didn’t know exactly what that was but trust her implicitly and she gave me a great short cut. I just don’t want to be pulling clumps of my hair out as I move to wards my chemo. She then gave me a big hug and said, no charge today honey. I cried in my car.

My chemo has changed and my first round is what I think they called targeted therapy and I’ll be at Dr. Fenton’s for a seven hour appointment. I only hope I will be able to function as a human after this appointment. I still don’t know how often I’ll have to have this particular treatment but she did say 4-6 months of chemo.

Right now I feel so good! I’m trying to just do things like stocking up on cat food, toilet paper, Kleenex, soap, shampoo, I ordered new sheets for the bed, new slippers, a couple of head coverings for the winter months ahead, stuff like that.

I get my port put in on Tuesday so I’m cherishing these last few nights of “good sleep.”

I guess that’s it so far today.

Thanking the good people out there. Just be kind. It doesn’t take much. Open a door for someone, give someone a smile, drop a coin in a bucket, little things mean a lot.

the meeting.

Yesterday’s meeting with Dr. Fenton was great. She is going to help me try and get another two years and cant make any guarantees for three. There is a lot of information and things I have to start to do to be ready to have the port put in next week. This prep starts with stopping the blood thinner Eloquis and today I have to start to give myself injections of Lovanox to keep the blood thinner out. I have never done anything like this before so it will be, as usual, a little scary. They make it sound easy. Just pinch the belly fat (to which mine is slowly leaving me) and put the little needle in and push the syringe. Ok. That’s what I will do. I did have a major hassle getting the prefilled syringes though. What a day. CVS didn’t have what I needed and said they “should be in tomorrow ” My Medicare would have covered it if they had it. Now, the weekend is almost upon us and I can’t roll with “should.” It would throw all of next week off. So, I had to call the Dr. and the nurse helped to track it down and Walmart had it but then it cost a hundred dollars. I had no choice but to pay for what should have been free. I’m grateful I have what I need now to continue this fight. My other half will be coming home tomorrow (hopefully) and he will have a drainage tube running out of his abdomen to continue to heal his wound from his procedure. It is a weird little tube with a ball the size of an avacado that catches what comes out. I asked him what if the cat sees it? I mean, a plastic tube with a ball attached? This could be trouble. Lol since he will be somewhat incapacitated for another week, my sister will be taking me to have the port put in then I have to wear some sort of Fanny pack that will have meds inside I guess. I’m not exactly sure what that is. There was so much information coming at me, I’ll know what it is when it happens. I’m starting to feel a bit more discomfort around my stomach and back but can still function ok. I can still walk and drive where I need to be. I have all of my nausea medicine in place. The doctor said a lot of patients tolerate the chemo quite well so hopefully, I’ll be one of those people. She said people get tired, I will lose my hair, I have to mask up everywhere. I think will look for my Alfred E Neumann mask. I bought it at the beginning of the pandemic. This might be a good time to wear it. The time is 3:30 a.m. and I’m going to try and get back to sleep. I think a good podcast usually helps me fall back to sleep. So this is day what, thirty seven? The picture is from my library. It is a reflection of the tree in my backyard a couple of springs ago. I thought it was cool.

First shot. I have been taken off of my blood thinner and for the next few day I have to give myself a shot on my “side fat” as I sit. I was so nervous but I did it. It didn’t hurt. The usual pinch, plunge and done. Glad that first one is over with.

Today, I am donating to Toys for Tots. One of the things I enjoyed ordering for the holiday season every year was to find old fashioned stocking stuffers. There is a relatively local company called Channel Craft and all of their toys are made in the USA. One of the toys that folks loved were old school jacks and number puzzles. My sister and I would play jacks on concrete or in our wood porch until the sides of our hands were scratched up from scooping up jacks. The number games used to be made of ivory! So glad they stopped that horrid practice. They were the little square, framed games and you could mix the numbers up by moving them around within the frame. We spent hours playing with these simple toys. They were always a huge hit with the boomers as they brought back those sweet memories. I had some left over from last Christmas and this past January, when I decided to downsize the shop, I had them packed away, not really knowing where they would end up. Well, now I know. So I’m going to put them in the Toys for Tots building next to our local grocery store. It is a pretty nice haul.

I’ll post a picture. They are so cute!

Great for counting and dexterity too!

This is a pic of me and my brother Bill. Fine looking kids,eh?

Yesterday’s post was sort of vague, I know. We had a situation on our hands that was very unexpected and really impacted our lives. Without going into great detail, the hospital was involved and what could have been a bad situation if we waited, turned out ok. A procedure was involved that could have gone two ways. The first one was successful and it does involve a few days in the hospital. We are in good hands now. One thing I’m trying so hard to do is to live in the moment. At times it is easy, other times not so much. I’m grateful now for the good ones, to which there is so much TO be grateful for. I guess these are all teaching moments. I feel alone but I know I’m not alone in this. I will be leaving soon for my first appointment with my doctor. It’s only about a half hour and I’m guessing it will be going over what to expect in the coming days. I do have to wonder how much more this cancer has ravaged me before any treatments even start. Maybe some, perhaps not at all. I suppose it doesn’t really matter. I’ll post more later in the day. Thank you, dear readers, for following me through my good days and my not so good days.