The Stillroom

I figured out where the sweet scent of green perfume was coming from! I planted a Persian Lilac five years ago when it was a twig. It is planted near the woods and it is known for its perfume and late bloom which is now. The promise of sweet perfume did not disappoint!

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Patio days. I love having a patio that is open to the sun and sky. A border of forsythia on the west side provides beautiful blooms in the spring and a “fence” along the property line (in another picture from another post). The back forty is a fragrant field and habitat. The east patio planters have culinary lemon grass and is a perfect privacy privacy screen that is always in motion from the summer breezes. How do you like the vintage pensive elf? Soon he will be tucked away among some mini sunflowers! The basil plant will be repotted but right now it is burning some incense to keep the bees away to which they seem to be wasps. The bird bath has a solar fountain that is just enough water movement without the hassle of having a bigger fountain. Been there, done that! It needed to be scrubbed too often so this is a perfect “downsize”! Today is the first morning I have a minute to enjoy the morning sun, the sweet air and play in the dirt a little. Now to try and post some pictures.🤓

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This is a picture of my mantle. I love baby’s breath as a simple flower for summer. I must always have flowers. For a few dollars from Trader Joe’s, I will get a couple of weeks worth of joy just looking at them. 😊 The reading monk is from when I had my shop and this guy brings me peace when I look at him. He was made by a local company in Derry that did very cool reproductions of art pieces. This is one I kept for myself. The little painted wood piece was Anthony’s art work from the summer of 2000 when he was ten. A sailboat on the ocean with lots of sunflowers. If you look real close, the wood is in the shape of a Cheshire Cat. My dad cut a whole bunch of that shape and I painted the cat face.

Chemo was delayed yet again today. That really made me feel sad. Some days it can be rather difficult to be upbeat, no matter how hard the sun shines. So, Mike went to the store to buy some lemons because when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. That is exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to have a lemonade and cookie party as soon as the Pirates finish winning this game.

P

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My space.😎

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I could have wallowed but I did not. I envisioned a good day so I made it happen. I picked up a couple of plants, bought a lemon pie and shared some. Grabbed a matcha on ice, got some things shifted around to ready the house for a little construction work, grabbed lunch with Mike and worked on my quiet space. The natural hedgerow is going gangbusters. I don’t think fences really make good neighbors. I downsized the herb garden to just chives and thyme. Thyme seems be the main herb in most dishes on the food network, anyhow. It is a perennial herb so it will give season after season. Sometimes our neighborhood is so quiet, you can hear a pin drop. The past half hour has been a neighbor yelling at someone or the dog, dogs barking, lawnmowers and the police at the shooting range target practicing. We have clover popping up all over the back yard! Yay. It’s a good day.

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Check out this video on YouTube:

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This is a pic of the farm. So many shades of green!

Lasts.

Is this my last spring? Is this the last time I will see pink blossoms on the tree outside of my kitchen window? My last Mother’s Day? The last day I will feel good? When one knows that one is going to die within a certain time frame, things just get weird. I think people around me feel awkward because what do you say to someone who is terminal other than how are you feeling?

The answer to that has always been “if I didn’t know I had this, I wouldn’t know I had this.”

Ugh!

Firsts.

The past few weeks have brought on some mild pain that is not going away and that has disturbed me a little. It’s not making any sense because the CT scan from a week ago showed that the tumors are still shrinking a little bit. While this makes me feel good, there are other numbers that are increasing and that’s not what I want. Not by a lot but enough that makes me nervous to a degree. Another first is taking a pain pill cut in half that seems to be taking the edge off of this mild discomfort. It doesn’t make me groggy and that’s good. I tell people I feel good because that’s what they want to hear. Why bore anyone with how it really feels to know my time is nigh. Lol I told Mike I’m going to start using words that are old timey. I think nigh is one of them I can get quite a bit of use out of.

Wigs

I think there are some people that really want me to wear a wig. I bought one in February and it been in my closet since. So last week I took it to my stylist and had her trim it up. Lady wigs are like toupee’s in that they really are noticeable in most cases. It looks ok but it’s just not me. I have been wearing colorful head coverings that I love. I think being bald or knowing that under the covering there is no hair makes some people uncomfortable. It kind of screams one has cancer or alopecia. (Not sure how to spell that) So I think to myself, is it my responsibility to make others feel more comfortable by wearing a wig? I think I’m venting and veering off into other areas of my frustration. Like when one is going to a pot luck and told not to bring anything. What’s up with that?

That’s what’s up today.

I have so much I want to write but I think I’ll go finish the fruit kabobs for brunch. Fruit is so dicey. You just don’t know how it’s going to be when you dice it. The berries got mushy so those are compost and the cantaloupe could have been more ripe, the cotton candy grapes, however, are a winner.

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My sweet brother picked these lily of the valley flowers for me. The fragrance from these tiny flowers is amazing! We visited Anthony and my brother, Michael, lives next door. He walked through the yards and came up on the deck and handed this beautiful little bouquet to me. It is truly the little things in life that touch me deeply❤️

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there was a hiccup in my treatment this week.

My platelets are not bouncing back so I had to skip another week of chemo so I haven’t had a treatment in almost a month. I have to be ok with this.

I’m on my way for a CT scan in a few minutes so keep me in your thoughts.

The turtle oracle card reminds me to just take it slow no matter the obstacles that are in my way.

It is like a soldier going to battle in a way. Im fighting for my very life which I know I’m going to lose at some point.

I go back to oncologist Tuesday hopefully to resume current treatment or a possible change and if my insurance will cover it, I can get injections for the low platelets. I have cancer coverage and it’s supposed to be crazy expensive for these shots. I guess they don’t offer them because of the cost and most people can’t cover the expense. Our advice is if you can get extra coverage on your insurance for cancer (it’s an extra policy) get it. We would probably be losing our house if we didn’t have it.

Hanging in there because I have to.

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