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Regift

This is such a beautiful writing I thought I would share it once again.

My visit with the palliative care doctor was fantastic. I left the appointment feeling somewhat renewed in a way.

It is important to establish a relationship with this type of care when a bummer cancer diagnosis is given. I must thank Trish once again for this vital suggestion.

Oddly, I have never met Trish but was given her contact information from my son’s girlfriend. She met Trish through her job and discovered that Trish has pancreatic cancer too and Trish offered to reach out to me with anything I needed to talk about. Although we have exchanged only a couple of emails, I feel a sense of relief in knowing someone wants to help me navigate these uncharted waters.

The wait at the doctors office was becoming nerve wracking and I almost was ready to cancel the appointment. They had doctors at the ready but not enough front office help. I’m not an impatient person but I just wanted to leave.

The kind nurse assured me I would be called back in a minute and I was. A higher power was at play here. Dr. Hoffmaster was awesome. I was expecting an much older man and I don’t know why. Lol As the door to the exam room opened, in walked this younger doctor with some wild longer hair and so friendly and personable!

Palliative care is now established so when things really start to go south, I know I will be in good hands with the care team at St. Margarets.

I’m feeling physically good in between the weeks of chemo. I’m rolling with the punches. I’m resting during the chemo week because there is no choice. It is exhausting.

Please know how much I appreciate the good vibes and prayers of support that come my way through my dear readers. It does help me.

I now leave you with The Gift❤️

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Palliative care post

Today I meet with a palliative care doctor. I’ll post later to tell my dear readers what that entails. I know it’s end of life care and what I should expect, I think.

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Music interlude

A World to Explore https://g.co/kgs/8y4nam

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Why?

I really banged myself up more than I thought when I passed out. I hit the concrete corner of our hearth with my left shoulder but no bruising. Just aches. However, today I discovered my right breast is completely bruised with a contusion and that sight left me feeling shaky today like my legs were weak. I think it’s anxiety since I don’t know how I came to pass out other than I got up too fast. I went to another room to put something away and came back to living room when the dizzy turned into something else. It is the end of the day and I have ice packs on me and took a bit of medical marijuana for pain. I was surprised my doctor recommended this alternative for pain. My body feels less polluted. I was always a very minimal drug taker but exceptions must be made. So, I’m feeling less tired than when I started out my day😌

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Frosty drive

The chemo went well. It was the passing out when I got home that was not so good. I guess I got up too fast and blacked out cold, just missing hitting my head on the concrete hearth. I was very lucky. Mike was mortified as I lay there, eyes open and gasping for air. I finally sat up, said I was ok as he was getting ready to call 911. I sat on the floor and did blood pressure check and oxygen levels, both of which were fine. I eventually crawled back to my chair and took it easy the rest of the day. Wha t made matter ms worse, I was attached to my chemo pump. Note to self, don’t get up so fast as dizzy spells will occur. It was scary.!

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Uprooted with added updates

This is a picture from a couple of years ago. The tree was at the beginning of the woods in our backyard. It was eventually cut down.

I’m feeling sorry for myself this early Monday morning. It’s wrong. I know. I had a not great Sunday emotionally and was very much alone in my own head. Not a fun place to be. I don’t think I spoke a hundred words all day.

I dread going to chemo today. It’s such a long day. I know I’ll get by just fine because I have to. This is a part of the journey. Good days are great, what constitutes a bad day seems silly when it comes down to it.

I am going to try and be more grateful for the life I have now. Even though it’s not the one I want. I feel like pulling away and I don’t even know what that means.

I have to remember that Mike is on the other side of this and it can’t be easy for him either. I imagine a wife that doesn’t say much at times might be a blessing. Lol

Just venting. I am sure the day will get better. I just have to find the good. I know it’s there somewhere.

I have to get ready to go. Yes, feelings are a tough customer.

Here is the good news update

Everyone in my pod is pleasant.

Not that this is good news but we are all in treatment. There are four of us and one guy has what I have, one lady has colon cancer and a young man has testicular. We are sharing our journeys so it’s almost like a therapy session. We are all here for five hours so they will spring us around four. It will still be light out. My cancer numbers dropped from a hundred thousand to ten thousand so that means the treatment is working. I don’t know exactly what the numbers are but they are trending in the right direction. So that has lifted my spirits. The doctor has adjusted a little bit of my chemo again and upped the steroid number to try and avoid the tingling sensation and slurred speech so I’m hoping that will work out ok.

I’m feeling grateful now and not so sad and depressed as I was earlier. I think the thought of having to be here just got to me in the wee hours of the morning.

We all agree it’s a real mental game staying upbeat all of the time. My doc is putting me in touch with the palliative care provider here. I don’t need it yet but I will at some point. I thank my new friend through email Trish for giving me that sage advice. I will be established at some point so that is good.

I guess that’s it for now. Three more hours to go.

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Check out this video on YouTube:

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Gimme that head with hair

long beautiful hair. Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen. –

From the musical Hair

Then and now.

1972 graduation pic taken (for graduation in 1973) during hurricane Agnes. The challenge was keeping that long hair in check!

Now, no hair.

Clearing off the picture wall at moms house, my sister returned all graduation pics to us.

Enjoying these last few days of feeling good before next treatment on Monday. Praying for good results once again🙏

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Shits and giggles

other than my episode at the end of my treatment yesterday, I am feeling a hundred percent better than the first round. I’m up and out of bed, doing laundry, straightening (Redding up) the house a bit. Fending off the cat away from my pump that’s attached to me, thawing some cod for lunch. Just wow. So, it looks like I am trying to learn to love my face. How can I lose almost 30 pounds and still have these cheeks? Well, those are from my beloved grandma Ameel. Everything is shrinking but this face, although it has a little. I decided since the trend is showing our old faces, I thought I’d try and embrace the face. Never the neck though. Never the neck. It’s just sad and saggy. No one needs to see that. I decided to show my wig today, which I will most likely not wear but maybe when the temps get bitter and I have to go out, I’ll consider it. In the meantime, it’s head wraps and knitted caps. I am happy today❤️Make no mistake though, I am in mourning over officer Justin. Always in my thoughts as I see the blue lights throughout the towns and how people do come together in spite of all of the bullshit that goes on in our world that can be so divisive.

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Chemo day today

today is chemo day. I’m just rolling with the punches, hoping it goes better than the first round. It will be a long day, about six hours. It might be a few days until I post again. Mike and Anthony have birthdays on the 11th. I did manage to get cards but Anthony’s Will probably get to him late. First birthday away from home.☹️ Life is so unpredictable.

I’m having my treatment now. My doctor said they are reducing the chemo by 25 percent so it won’t beat me up as bad as last time. I guess there is a starting point where they see how it is tolerated and since I was a train wreck they are adjusting accordingly. So far, so good. Fingers crossed for a better week!

so I just had a rough episode that brought five nurses and a doctor. This is at the end of the day. I had twitching around the mouth, slurred speech, elevated bp and hot. I needed a steroid injection to bring symptoms under control.

Finally on my way home at 4:15. Hoping for a quiet night and restful days ahead! Just super tired. Cold sensitivity in hands is very evident. It’s mittens for the next few days.

i definitely don’t feel as wiped out as I did with my first treatment. I was able to have a piece of toast and some tea for a light supper. Now I just have to tolerate sleeping with this pump for two nights. They will disconnect it Wednesday afternoon. Can’t wait for that!

We switched out porch light over to a blue bulb in honor of Brackenridge officer Justin. How can I not honor him especially since my dad and brother in law were retired officers. Both have passed to their great reward, dad of old age and brother from illness at a young age. Both are missed terribly.

Sad days in our town. Sad days indeed. Godspeed officer, godspeed.

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