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Day twenty six

I got a call from the doctor at Shadyside hospital early Monday evening and he said I need to get to ER immediately. Apparently, when one gets cancer, one is naturally predisposed to getting blood clots. I did not know that and now we know why I couldn’t walk last week. The blood clot formed on the inner bone of the left ankle. Not working with an oncologist to that point, my pcp associate just said people with cancer are prone to inflammation and gave me naproxen which is like Alleve to which I didn’t really take. When the pain diminished over time, it was because the clot traveled to the lung. It was the grace of God that got me here I do believe. The first night I spent in a triage room which was not all together unpleasant. It was cool, dark and had a tv and it was a big room. I called it the palace. The nurses as usual, are great. They don’t have time to dote over anyone nor is there time to. I am not a baby. The only downside was the woman across the way. Instead of just hitting her call button, she was one of those people who would just scream help, help, help. I think by morning they wanted to help her right out the door! I got into a private room by 8 am the next day. Rooms are at a premium for sure.

Day twenty seven (sorry, days are out of order)

I got settled in and not eaten in a day and a half at that point so my nurse brought me a couple of pancakes which was really nice of him. Lunch was great! Open faced beef sandwich with gravy and mashed potatoes. After lunch I got a Doppler done on both legs that revealed blood clots still in both in spite of a gallon of blood thinner going through me and still one in the lung. They will fix with zaralto and shots in the stomach. Doc said they will dissolve into the body. I trust the doctor.

Late in the day, the oncology doc came in to tell me this is stage four. I guess I knew that. Her group will be taking care of me moving forward and now there is a plan in place. Lots of chemo, hair loss and all that one could expect with this. I no longer will be going to the Pancreatic Disciplinary Group at Presby. Im relieved about that because it would have meant more days going by and tests to which these doctored have it all at their finger tips so now we can move forward. She said With this treatment, it will buy me a couple of years with the possibility remission. That would really be amazing if it came to fruition! I just needed to know I have more than a few months.

I think they are going to try to implant a port today, not sure quite yet. I’ll know more as the day unwinds.

So, that’s what’s up at this moment. Im pretty sure I’ll be home for Thanksgiving but again, not a hundred percent at this early hour. Had a good sleep last night. Just a kink in my back from sleeping on my back. Im a stomach, face buried in the pillow sleeper.

The picture today is the front of Waterworks stores. I can see cars coming down 28.

What a long, strange trip this has been. Im just happy Im getting answers to all of my fears.

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Day twenty five

currently admitted to hospital for blood clot in lung. That’s how today is ending ☹️

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Day Twenty five part two

California Stars https://g.co/kgs/KVuRZo

I had to stop at the shop just to check on stock. Then off to the grocery store for some lunch fixings. Stopped of at the cemetery to see dads plot. The ground crunched under my feet and the breeze, while cold, felt good. Then I thought about the song California Stars.

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Day twenty five

A quick entry. I have a CT scan later to see if this has spread to my lungs. I dread opening up my chart later this afternoon. I had a wave of tears this morning in spite of the sunshine. I’ll get over it.

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Day twenty four part two

Check out this video on YouTube:

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Day twenty four

This is not a cloud. It is what I see in the winter months as the sun starts to creep through my bedroom window over my bed. It is lacey and when the wind blows even a little, it dances on the wall. One of the small joys I get every winter when the sun sits low on the horizon.

Well, we said goodbye to dad yesterday. I really had to push myself hard to go to the funeral home. He did not look anything like the dad I knew. I found this to be really disturbing. I said “Maybe they put his new teeth in” (which he refused to wear after ten dentist appointments) to which we all got a little chuckle out of. Inappropriate comment? Well, that’s just me trying for levity. We all knew how many appointments we had to go to for these teeth.

I thanked the powers that be for the sun that came out for us. Blessings to the Marine Corp honor guard that came out on such a cold morning to send him off. And man, when they play those taps, how can anyone hold back tears? Even at the ripe old age of 93. This was a gentle man with a solid heart.

Tomorrow is another scan for me so there’s that. I’m still feeling relatively good although I feel low energy. It’s a real mental challenge and perhaps that’s what up.

Mike made a great breakfast of pancakes and bacon and that was pretty sweet. Now I know why I would go to McDonald’s for that when he was visiting Anthony. He cooks, I clean. I’d rather go and get carry out. Lol

He wants to bake oatmeal chocolate chip cookies today. What a great guy! I’m ok with just no dishes though. Again with the carry out.

Blue skies today. I think I’ll post another Wilco song. Sky Blue Sky

Go Steelers. Give me something!

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Day Twenty three

Today we lay our dad to rest. We all, each and every one of us, will meet our maker. Our dad went peacefully into that beautiful afternoon. That gray sky, ever so gloomy, saw a shining orb that floated out of the open window and into the heavens. And just like a zephyr, a gentle breeze carried him away from us. Always in our hearts and minds, this gentle man will live on in the hearts of his children and grandchildren forever. He was truly a very special man and I am so honored that he belonged to us. He loved his family so deeply, it almost hurt. He is now with his bride on the other side. May they both rest in the loving arms of their creator.

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Day twenty two

I can’t move because I have a cat on my lap.

I am feeling a little sore and tender today. After my doctor appointment this morning, I’m going to take it easy.

Dad’s funeral has been arranged for Saturday morning with full military honors. It is still hard to believe he is gone but I am happy for him because he missed my mom so much. He had a great summer living at my oldest brothers house. Hot days sunning on the deck and his glass of cold beer on the side table. He loved the heat! He went fast though.

As for me, it is hard to not feel sorry for myself. I know it is wrong. My body is failing me and it is so shocking. I think once this soreness is past and the feet get better, I can have a better outlook. But today, Im just not feeling it.

I guess the cat is going to have to be relocated so I can get up and get ready for another doctor appointment. A month ago I never in a million years knew I would be one of the people I would see doctoring on a regular basis.

The wheels of our medical system just seem to move so slow. I guess with this diagnosis it just doesn’t matter. Especially when one is 67 years old with a particularly pretty great life behind me. I feel like I don’t matter as much and that’s ok. I knew once testing started I’d start to feel shitty and today I do.

I’m grateful for such a loving family and friends that I know care about me. I guess there is never a good time to be sick but to do it around the holidays really sucks.

I might write more later. Just feeling blue at the moment.

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Day twenty one

Im on my way for the liver biopsy. My siblings are thankfully handling my dad’s funeral arrangements today. I will write later in the day about what it is like having this procedure done. I’ll be ok. That’s what I keep telling myself. I wore a pink top to help me keep my spirits in check.

It was just as I thought it would be. I got there twenty minutes early and they took me right in. I didn’t wear pants with elastic waistband so I had to remove my jeans and top to put a gown on. I was able to keep under clothes and shoes on which was good. They gave me heated blankets while we went over paper work, put a needle in the arm in case I need a transfusion plus took a vial of blood to send to the lab. When all was cleared, I was wheeled to another part of the hospital where I was basically parked in a pretty quiet hallway for about forty minutes. It was right outside the door of where the procedure was being done. I just closed my eyes and waited. When I got in the room, I waited another fifteen minutes for someone to come in and get things going. Everyone was so nice, which is what I expected all along. They numb the area which is almost at the center of the top of the rib age. They said it would burn but I didn’t feel it. Dr. Weiss proceeded to put four pretty long needles in various spots in the liver to pull the cells out for the lab. It was slightly uncomfortable but as I told Mike, not painful, not painless, but tolerable. I only flinched once. It took about twenty minutes start to finish. Then I was wheeled back in the quiet hallway for another fifteen minutes while waiting for transport down to recovery where I had to lay for two hours. Today, I have to take it easy so I’m snug back under my covers with the heating pad on my tummy to keep warm. I have another Dr appointment tomorrow for my ankles because I don’t thing this is plantar fasciitis like I thought it was. The inner ankle bone area is swollen and very painful so I’ll be back there again tomorrow for a while different situation. Ugh! I feel like I’m falling apart and I hope they can at the very least take away this foot pain. I think the test results are not going to be great so I’m just enjoying the moments I have now where I still feel relatively good, except for the ankle thing. So that was my day. I hope I recover from this without incident. Doc said bleeding is rare. If I have any symptoms listed, it’s off to the ER but I feel alright. It def feels like something was done but very minor discomfort. Dads funeral plans are complete. He was a former Marine Corp. Veteran of the Korean War and served his community as a Police Lieutenant until his retirement. He lived a great, long and happy life with a dream retirement. He was a fabulous wood worker and a great fisherman. He was the best dad as he was strong, fair, quiet, patient and loving in his own gentle ways. I’m so happy he was my dad. I’m going to miss him terribly but perhaps I’ll be reunited with him and mom soon enough.

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Day twenty, continued

My dad passed away this afternoon. I saw him yesterday and although he was unconscious, I told him how much I loved him and he was truly the best dad. He is now with the love of his life, our mom, who passed 7 months ago to the day. Godspeed, papa. You are now at peace and soaring with the angels. ❤️

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