Well, dear reader, here is some hard news to swallow.
Yesterday, I received news that I have pancreatic cancer and it has spread. I have decided to share and document my journey over the next weeks and months on this sight.
Pretty shocking stuff and very unexpected, for sure. I thought I had a stomach ulcer but alas, it is something much, much worse.
I have to now go for a CT scan, needle biopsy and will be doctoring with a cancer specialty group at Presby.
Still reeling from this news, I decided to start my journey by donating all of my shoes to the yellow boxes we see everywhere. While I am alone at this time, I decided to to this so my poor husband does not have to deal with a lot of my stuff when I’m gone.
You know what I think is worse than dying? Being the ones left behind. I always told Mike I hope I go first because I wouldn’t want to live in a world without my Mike. I do love him so!
I hope dying doesn’t hurt. I will fight as long as I think it is worth it, but I don’t know.
We are not telling my 93 year old dad. This will crush him so I now have to figure out how to navigate that situation.
As sure as we are born, we die. Some sooner than others. I have had (and still do) the most blessed life and having The Stillroom has been at the very top! I’m not sure how I’m going to wrap this gig up but I’m pretty certain those around me will help me figure this journey out.
I’m guessing at this point I might have a year, and that’s if I’m “lucky”.
In the meantime, holiday teas and goodies have been ordered for the tea shop and will mostly be on the shelves for the upcoming open house.
I have to thank Dianna, from Diamond Antiques & Gifts for letting me in to her fantastic co op of collectors and vendors. It has been a great seven years with this group!
Friends made for life!❤️
The Stillroom 
Hi Vicki, I just left a comment on your blog but I can’t tell if it got to you so I’m going to try this as well. I’m so sad right now for you and Mike and your son. I’m glad we got a chance to reconnect not too long ago. I’ll never forget the fun times we had when I’d come up to see Andy in Baltimore. Lots of love and good vibes heading down to western PA! Let me know if you need anything at all. Judy
Thank you, Judy. Right now, I am home alone. Mike is visiting Anthony in Tx. Anth moved in June to take a job at NASA in the soft goods dept. He is making stuff that will go to the moon! We haven’t told him yet as we want him to have another nice week with his dad. I don’t know how to get messages on the blog but I found this! Lol I’m just accepting my fate atm and will move forward as there is not much else I can do. I appreciate very much you note. It means a great deal to me. I’m glad we were able to meet again when you were in town. I’ll keep in touch.❤️
It’s funny, I was just telling my husband the other day about how Anthony your son was working for NASA! I love that his designs will be going to the moon. You and Mike must be so proud. Finding out his mother may not be around for much longer will be devastating for him, and I am speaking from experience as you know. If he’s anything like me he will never stop missing you. But he will be fine, and he will spend his life trying to make you proud.
Is this news going to change anything about your immediate plans? Are there things you’ve been putting off until you’re less busy that you will do now? This is something that could happen to any of us, as unexpectedly as it happened to you. We’re definitely at that age right now. If this is none of my business, don’t worry about answering. I’m not a trained anything. I’m just thinking about what I would do and how I’d feel if I were in your shoes. I think it was very brave of you to share this on your Stillroom blog. I hope you will keep sharing with all your readers. Judy
Hey Judy! With Mike gone for another week, I’m getting rid of a lot of my stuff. Clothes, shoes, decorations, shop stuff. I just don’t want him to have to deal with any of this. I’m in front of a Planet Aid box now. Just sitting in my car soaking up some last mi it’s sun. I have a CT scan next week, a needle biopsy then to Presby to see a group of specialists. Oddly, I feel ok physically but mentally it’s a struggle to be positive. I m pretty sure this is stage four but I’ll know more in the coming weeks. I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be in pain. I’m finally losing weight. Lol Something I struggled with my whole life and possibly what contributed to my dismiss.
I really have no plans. We are taking care of my dad. He’s at my brothers and they are older than me and brother is failing health wise too. It’s been a very tough year.
My mom passed in April and we have been emptying the house and getting ready to put it on the market. It was a lot of work as most depression era people didn’t throw away ANYTHING! Lol
I think I might still be in shock or denial or something. I’m just getting through my day doing stuff to keep my mind occupied. The store is having its holiday open house this week and quite honestly, I just want to give it all away. I know what’s coming down the pike with this cancer. A month or so ago, I had a dream. All it was was a voice that said, ovarian cancer. I told Mike this last week and he poo poked the dream. Well, the voice was off by a few organs.
I am sure Mr. Rational didn’t think your dream meant anything, but obviously there is a strong connection between our minds and bodies. That story gave me goosebumps.
I think that’s exactly what I’d be doing! Throwing crap away and burning all my journals, LOL.
I wouldn’t want my husband and kids to have to deal with it either. I know what you mean, my 90 year old MIL passed away a year ago, and my husband went down and stayed in her house, and he couldn’t believe the stuff she had saved over the years.
I had to laugh when you said you were finally losing weight, it’s something I’ve struggled with all my life too.
I’m anxious to hear how all your tests go.
I did 10,000 steps today just around the house. I had bags of “fat clothes” and bags of “not as fat” clothes. I apparently was a decorative pillow hoarder and artificial flower hoarder too among a bunch of other shit. I did several car loads of stuff to Planet Aid and the stupid Knick knacks went to goodwill. I got rid of a lot. Maybe this is a new depression era? No, I’m as much a pack rat as they were.
No, there’s a difference! You’re fine as long as you didn’t hoard any used margarine tubs. That is the true sign of depression era hoarding.