The Stillroom

Dear life,

Know that I love you,

That I have always loved you,

In ways that go without saying,

In seasons that tease you to give up,

At your worst, at my worst,

I love you

I have never needed a reason,

Your existence is reason enough

-C. Poindexter

Such beautiful words. I wish they came from my head and heart. Too beautiful to hold them to just me and not share.

It’s 5:30 and the cat is losing her mind for breakfast. Have I created this monster?

I’m hoping for another day of hope. I’m wishing for a day of peace of mind. I’m praying for sunshine and blue skies to lift me.

I just want to exist in a place of peace.

I keep waiting for something to hurt. For something noticeably bad. I’m waiting for my skin to yellow. I’m waiting on a happier time that I know won’t come.

I know I am not alone in this. But I am alone in this. Facing my mortality. I am old. I am not old.

What are thoughts and prayers? Do they go into my body and heal me? Are there miracles? I know from personal experience, there are no miracles.

The only thing I wish for is a painless and peaceful journey into the universe.

Surrounded by love, leaving no pain inflicted by my demise.

Why is it we don’t see friends or family every day but just knowing they are walking the earth is comfort enough?

Oh well, I’m sure once I’m up and showered and dressed and look to another day my spirits will lift.

Amen