The Stillroom

Medley https://g.co/kgs/5ZwFTv

Marc-Almond New York State of Mind

Read Full Post »

Here Comes the Rain, Parts 1 & 2 https://g.co/kgs/PCvJSp

I have had this record forever!

Feeling it today.

Read Full Post »

this is a picture of the zinnias at Ambrose Farms in Cabot.

You know, sometimes people can be so awful and then sometimes they are beyond kind.

Yesterday, I had two experiences with local jag offs that really hurt my feelings. Some old dude in a shiny Cadillac pulled out in front of me while I was driving through Heights Plaza (right after I left Toys for Tots). He just cruised out of the isle like no one was on the main road that goes along the plaza sidewalk. I gave him a friendly toot of the horn so he knew he cut me off and then he pulled to the curb and gave me the finger. I know that shouldn’t affect me but it just did.

Then, I had to go to dreaded Walmart to pick up a script. I got it and went to my car. I had to still make another stop and instead of going to the end of the isle to turn right, I thought I’d do a cut through since there were no cars parked at the far end. I was going really slow and was easing into a parking space to get in the lane going back towards the store, when I saw a guy coming down that isle so I stopped (still in my proper direction and still in a parking space) when he pulled into a space in his lane but to the left of me. He’s staring at me and his mouth was going like a duck’s ass (my mom used that term) looking at me like what in the hell am I doing? He got out of his car and I just said “I’m parked in my space, what’s your issue here?” He said, you a foot over the line. It had a absolutely no effect whatsoever as to where he was. Far be it from me to be a “pig parker” I just said, “well, let me readjust my car for you”. He just walked away shaking his head. What on earth is wrong with people. I was fuming. What gave this person the right to pick on me?

Now, for the better angels. I went to get most of my hair cut off and Danielle, from Danielle’s Salon said let’s not cut it all off, let’s do a fade. I didn’t know exactly what that was but trust her implicitly and she gave me a great short cut. I just don’t want to be pulling clumps of my hair out as I move to wards my chemo. She then gave me a big hug and said, no charge today honey. I cried in my car.

My chemo has changed and my first round is what I think they called targeted therapy and I’ll be at Dr. Fenton’s for a seven hour appointment. I only hope I will be able to function as a human after this appointment. I still don’t know how often I’ll have to have this particular treatment but she did say 4-6 months of chemo.

Right now I feel so good! I’m trying to just do things like stocking up on cat food, toilet paper, Kleenex, soap, shampoo, I ordered new sheets for the bed, new slippers, a couple of head coverings for the winter months ahead, stuff like that.

I get my port put in on Tuesday so I’m cherishing these last few nights of “good sleep.”

I guess that’s it so far today.

Thanking the good people out there. Just be kind. It doesn’t take much. Open a door for someone, give someone a smile, drop a coin in a bucket, little things mean a lot.

Read Full Post »

Read Full Post »

the meeting.

Yesterday’s meeting with Dr. Fenton was great. She is going to help me try and get another two years and cant make any guarantees for three. There is a lot of information and things I have to start to do to be ready to have the port put in next week. This prep starts with stopping the blood thinner Eloquis and today I have to start to give myself injections of Lovanox to keep the blood thinner out. I have never done anything like this before so it will be, as usual, a little scary. They make it sound easy. Just pinch the belly fat (to which mine is slowly leaving me) and put the little needle in and push the syringe. Ok. That’s what I will do. I did have a major hassle getting the prefilled syringes though. What a day. CVS didn’t have what I needed and said they “should be in tomorrow ” My Medicare would have covered it if they had it. Now, the weekend is almost upon us and I can’t roll with “should.” It would throw all of next week off. So, I had to call the Dr. and the nurse helped to track it down and Walmart had it but then it cost a hundred dollars. I had no choice but to pay for what should have been free. I’m grateful I have what I need now to continue this fight. My other half will be coming home tomorrow (hopefully) and he will have a drainage tube running out of his abdomen to continue to heal his wound from his procedure. It is a weird little tube with a ball the size of an avacado that catches what comes out. I asked him what if the cat sees it? I mean, a plastic tube with a ball attached? This could be trouble. Lol since he will be somewhat incapacitated for another week, my sister will be taking me to have the port put in then I have to wear some sort of Fanny pack that will have meds inside I guess. I’m not exactly sure what that is. There was so much information coming at me, I’ll know what it is when it happens. I’m starting to feel a bit more discomfort around my stomach and back but can still function ok. I can still walk and drive where I need to be. I have all of my nausea medicine in place. The doctor said a lot of patients tolerate the chemo quite well so hopefully, I’ll be one of those people. She said people get tired, I will lose my hair, I have to mask up everywhere. I think will look for my Alfred E Neumann mask. I bought it at the beginning of the pandemic. This might be a good time to wear it. The time is 3:30 a.m. and I’m going to try and get back to sleep. I think a good podcast usually helps me fall back to sleep. So this is day what, thirty seven? The picture is from my library. It is a reflection of the tree in my backyard a couple of springs ago. I thought it was cool.

First shot. I have been taken off of my blood thinner and for the next few day I have to give myself a shot on my “side fat” as I sit. I was so nervous but I did it. It didn’t hurt. The usual pinch, plunge and done. Glad that first one is over with.

Today, I am donating to Toys for Tots. One of the things I enjoyed ordering for the holiday season every year was to find old fashioned stocking stuffers. There is a relatively local company called Channel Craft and all of their toys are made in the USA. One of the toys that folks loved were old school jacks and number puzzles. My sister and I would play jacks on concrete or in our wood porch until the sides of our hands were scratched up from scooping up jacks. The number games used to be made of ivory! So glad they stopped that horrid practice. They were the little square, framed games and you could mix the numbers up by moving them around within the frame. We spent hours playing with these simple toys. They were always a huge hit with the boomers as they brought back those sweet memories. I had some left over from last Christmas and this past January, when I decided to downsize the shop, I had them packed away, not really knowing where they would end up. Well, now I know. So I’m going to put them in the Toys for Tots building next to our local grocery store. It is a pretty nice haul.

I’ll post a picture. They are so cute!

Great for counting and dexterity too!

Read Full Post »

This is a pic of me and my brother Bill. Fine looking kids,eh?

Yesterday’s post was sort of vague, I know. We had a situation on our hands that was very unexpected and really impacted our lives. Without going into great detail, the hospital was involved and what could have been a bad situation if we waited, turned out ok. A procedure was involved that could have gone two ways. The first one was successful and it does involve a few days in the hospital. We are in good hands now. One thing I’m trying so hard to do is to live in the moment. At times it is easy, other times not so much. I’m grateful now for the good ones, to which there is so much TO be grateful for. I guess these are all teaching moments. I feel alone but I know I’m not alone in this. I will be leaving soon for my first appointment with my doctor. It’s only about a half hour and I’m guessing it will be going over what to expect in the coming days. I do have to wonder how much more this cancer has ravaged me before any treatments even start. Maybe some, perhaps not at all. I suppose it doesn’t really matter. I’ll post more later in the day. Thank you, dear readers, for following me through my good days and my not so good days.

Read Full Post »

this is a good pic of how life is this morning. This is from my photo library. It is a good representation of what today will be like for me. While I unfortunately can’t go into detail just yet, dear reader. do know that more dark clouds have descended over what was my happy home. I know this storm will pass and I am going to be calling on family for moral support over these next few days. I just want it all to go away but I know that life has its own plan and that, I can not control. I will go through the minutes and hours of these next few days with determination and strength that will come from deep within. I know I can face whatever else is thrown at me and Mike.

Remember when President George Bush Jr. dodged those shoes getting thrown at him and he ducked, scatted and bebopped so as to not get hit?

That me.

Read Full Post »

I thought I would give a shout out to my brother, Mike for continuing to keep me laughing! This is a good way to start a new post. My family is so precious! On both sides. Counting my blessings and today I’ll keep moving my body. I actually painted yesterday. Yinz (or in Ducktown, we said younz and sometimes younzez) are probably so tired of reading about this painting project. I’m making some progress! I am grateful for another day and the fact that I’m still moving around. Western Pa is as dreary as it was when we lived in Oregon. At least the cloud cover is the same. It’s almost the exact same weather. I remember the first trip I took back here in the winter. On the way home from the airport, it took me a minute to put my finger on what was so different. Then it dawned on me. Oregon is very green during winter months because of all of the pine trees! East coast is very, well, brown.

I have two doc appointments coming up this week. Truth be told, on a scale of one to ten, ten being awful, I’m still fortunately about a two or three. The pain in the lower back is more than likely part of the disease. Tylenol and ice packs and trying to move around helps for sure.

I have moments of slight nausea so lots of water. Not much appetite but I manage to eat a little everyday.

My brother Ray and my sister in law Sue (there are two sisters in law that are Sue) are bringing me some wedding soup today!

One thing my mom and dad did so right was to raise five kids that have spouses that get along so great. Now if that is not a blessing, I do not know what is!

Later

Read Full Post »

I actually took this pic early Sunday morning. It’s the typical “I can’t move because I have a cat on my lap” situation.

It’s Monday morning. I really have to push myself to not just sit in a chair and do nothing. I have stuff set out to take to the shop and I have some errands to run. I can’t tell if I’m woozy, tired or depressed or all of the above. I packed a “go” bag last night in case I felt I had to go to the hospital. If I do go again, it will be by ambulance because sitting in the ER is just too much. It is probably a physiological test of will. It is so easy to just sit back and absorb the reality of my situation and I know this is not a good thing. This is probably why my lower back hurts so much. I do understand why movement is so vital. Can you believe I’m still staring at this last little stupid paint project? I just keep looking at this unfinished cabinet in the kitchen. It’s probably a 30 minute task and for some reason, I can’t bring myself to do it. I will try and if I get it finished, you can bet I’ll post a picture. Our home was built in 1960 and is like a small apartment only it’s a small ranch. We have been here about seven years. This is our downsize house.

I put off getting the kitchen gutted because I didn’t want the chaos of living in the back room during construction. I’m ok with the original cabinets etc. so I decided to paint them with this new paint that just goes on so nice and dries fast. This house is an open floor plan and the seller painted the kitchen gray and I really don’t like it. A few years ago I painted the living room a nice sage green although my sister sees it as grayish. Maybe more like a greenish- clay is how I see it. Anyhow, the front of the house is basically all one space so I matched the new cabinet color pretty close to the living room. I can’t believe how great I felt last Monday compared to today. So I know this is a mental battle. The idea of blood clots in my legs and lungs was just not something I saw coming at all. As usual, I felt pretty good. No shortness of breath or anything. Just the debilitating pain in the inner ankle that turned out to be the culprit here.

It is a lazy Monday. I believe the lack of sunshine has a lot to do with the lack of motivation. Pretty sure they go hand in hand. I did find a nice new jazz channel and it’s so smooth. Maybe that’s the problem. Lol

I need to hear some via Chicago with all of its noise and chaotic drumming.

How do I feel? Physically a little beat up but mentally stifled.

That’s the morning report for now. No telling what this day will bring. I grateful for still being upright and not in the hospital. So there’s that.

Mike is now under the weather too. Probably brought on by our new reality.

We are being put to the test.

Read Full Post »

One Sunday Morning https://g.co/kgs/j3d4V9

This Wilco song. Not really cheerful but it’s beautiful. This has nothing to do with Anthony heading back to Texas atm. Or the death of my dad. Or believing in God or not. I think the guitar just speaks to me. So, let it speak to you too!

Read Full Post »