The Stillroom

Today I decided it would be good to get this crazy hair cut. Anticipating chemo and radiation (if I live long enough to have it) I figured less hair maintenance would be best. I didn’t realize how gray it got until I took these pics! Lol I would be lying, dear reader, if I said I’m not frightened for my future. I know this is natural. I’m preparing for the worst and hoping for the best, although I don’t know what best could possibly be. Maybe Heaven? I haven’t lived a perfect life but I can say I have always above everything, always tried to be helpful and kind to people. It goes a long way. I did message my doctor a bit ago to see if she can give me something to help me sleep. I am sleep deprived. I also asked her to tell me if I read my chart correctly in that this has cancer has spread. I always hated my face. It is a very rare moment that I put this face on any social media. But, today, I made an exception. I’m a few months away from 68 although I feel so much younger. Lol Don’t we all? That’s the diary for the beginning of this All Souls Day!

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I’m numb. I’m scared. I want to be hopeful. One day at a time, I know.

I went to the shop very early Sunday morning thinking I would keep busy by decorating The Stillroom corner. I took down the few remaining Halloween things that were left and decided to hang what I thought was a sheer curtain lined with fairy lights. I had a clear vision of how I wanted this doorway to the shop to look. Ethereal and magical and soft and inviting. When I opened the box of lights, it wasn’t a sheer curtain as shown on the box, but a strand of very long icicle lights. Bummer. I untied each strand thinking I’d try them anyhow. They ended up a tangled mess, just like my nerves. I shoved them back in the box. Now I’m just angry AND sad. The vision, that was planted in my brain, still remains. (Sounds of Silence). It would have been so pretty. But I think now, on this early Monday morning, I’m giving up on that vision. I put the holiday teas on the shelf and that will have to just be enough. I have lost my sparkling mojo at this moment. It will come back. I guess it’s better to feel the feelz than to be numb. I did crank out almost 45 cat toys so there’s that.

Yesterday, I started to clean out my closets of “fat clothes” and “not as fat clothes”. I’m losing weight rapidly. I donated a lot of clothes to the Planet Aid boxes. I cleaned out a lot of knick-knacks from my curio. They were my junk, not Mike’s. I also realized I am definitely one of those “pillow people”. You see the Instagram videos of the guy that wants to just go to bed and he’s tossing like fifty throw pillows on the floor to get to the mattress? That was me except mine were on chairs and couches and were seasonal. They gone. Streamlining.

Chamomile tea has been my best friend. When I thought I had a stomach ulcer, I quit coffee and Coke Zero and have been consuming copious amounts of herbal tea and water. If I had done that most of my adult life, perhaps I wouldn’t be in my current predicament?

My car is loaded up once again with bags of pillows and blankets and coats and gloves and anything I could get my hands on to get rid of. I want to erase myself from this house before Mike returns. He doesn’t need to witness this shit. He will be witnessing my decline and that’s enough. I have been with this guy for 44 years! Always fun, funny, strong mentally, smart, honest, just the best person.

I’m calling my doc today to see if she can help get my CT scan sooner than next Sunday but I doubt that can happen. I guess with this diagnosis, it doesn’t really matter.

Well, those are the many things going through my head at six AM.

You know what makes me kind of happy? Walmart’s English Toasting bread with a touch of butter and a light sprinkle of truffle salt. Yum. I’m going to have a slice right now and enjoy another cup of Chamomile.

Small joys.

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Well, dear reader, here is some hard news to swallow.

Yesterday, I received news that I have pancreatic cancer and it has spread. I have decided to share and document my journey over the next weeks and months on this sight.

Pretty shocking stuff and very unexpected, for sure. I thought I had a stomach ulcer but alas, it is something much, much worse.

I have to now go for a CT scan, needle biopsy and will be doctoring with a cancer specialty group at Presby.

Still reeling from this news, I decided to start my journey by donating all of my shoes to the yellow boxes we see everywhere. While I am alone at this time, I decided to to this so my poor husband does not have to deal with a lot of my stuff when I’m gone.

You know what I think is worse than dying? Being the ones left behind. I always told Mike I hope I go first because I wouldn’t want to live in a world without my Mike. I do love him so!

I hope dying doesn’t hurt. I will fight as long as I think it is worth it, but I don’t know.

We are not telling my 93 year old dad. This will crush him so I now have to figure out how to navigate that situation.

As sure as we are born, we die. Some sooner than others. I have had (and still do) the most blessed life and having The Stillroom has been at the very top! I’m not sure how I’m going to wrap this gig up but I’m pretty certain those around me will help me figure this journey out.

I’m guessing at this point I might have a year, and that’s if I’m “lucky”.

In the meantime, holiday teas and goodies have been ordered for the tea shop and will mostly be on the shelves for the upcoming open house.

I have to thank Dianna, from Diamond Antiques & Gifts for letting me in to her fantastic co op of collectors and vendors. It has been a great seven years with this group!

Friends made for life!❤️

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Photo one- Circle the dates because it’s that time of the year when Diamond Antiques’ vendors start to muster up their holiday spirit to help inspire holiday decorating and shopping. It is exciting and exhausting all rolled into one big box with a bow! 🎁

Photo two-trying out something new on the shelves straight from Bucks County! Gotta love that! Perfect for you or a lucky recipient 🎄

Photo three-totally smashed tea cakes arrived. Apparently, they were too fragile for shipping.😟

This company did issue a full refund which is great. As a result, I will revisit them in the future.

The Stillroom Gift & Tea shop is located inside of Diamond Antiques & Gifts.

311 East Sixth Avenue

Tarentum, Pa

In a small dedicated corner of Diamond Antiques & Gifts you will find The Pantry. This spot features dry goods, Tea, sweets, organic catnip toys, and an ever changing display of smaller antique pieces. Here you can discover vintage glassware, serving pieces, wall art and so much more.

I do think this is the most charming spot with a lot!

In the meantime, Happy Fall. It’s the most beautiful time of the year in our Valley🍁

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How about some sweets from Bucks County? Just ordered from this small business for the holidays. Orange cranberry pecan brittle coming to the Pantry inside of Diamond & Antiques and Gifts!

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The Stillroom always tries to buy dry goods and pantry items from USA producers and wholesalers.

New to the shop are bagged hard candies made from the Cheesebro candy company. The flavors chosen are boomer flavors or granny chic if you will. Or flavors taken from nature. 😉

Clove, licorice, sassafras and horehound are in stock now. Today I ordered peppermint, ginger, butterscotch and pumpkin spice. Butterscotch does come from the butterscotch plant. Lol

I will admit, the shipping is kicking the small business butt, but to keep things rolling along, it’s worth the bank busting costs.

Pumpkin tea is ready to steep. Just add a bit of your favorite sweetener (I think the pumpkin spice drops might work in that) and a splash of milk and enjoy!

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Check out this video on YouTube:

Hey! Tea cakes just flew in from England and boy are their arms tired🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿☕️🫖🥮

On shelf next week😊

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Let’s run amok!

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